What Does Being a “Good Mom” Really Mean?

You don’t magically know how to be a good mom the second that baby slides out of the birth canal. There’s no switch that flips. You just start; while leaking, sleep-deprived, and terrified. You figure it out one day at a time.

And the figuring never stops. Being a “good mom” isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about staying open to the questions. It’s showing up, messing up, learning as you go, and loving through it. If you’re still growing, still trying, still here? You’re doing it. And that counts for more than most people admit.

In this article:

1. Why “Perfect Mom” Is a Mirage and a Joy Thief

2. A “Good Mom” Is Always Becoming

3. Putting Yourself Last Hurts Everyone, Even You

4. External Validation Is a Trap: Gratitude from Within Wins

5. Asking for Help Isn’t Weakness. It’s a Superpower

You’re Still Becoming

This post was inspired by the prompt, “What does being a "good mom" truly mean to me?” from the Burnout Recovery Journal for Moms, a downloadable resource designed to help you reconnect with yourself.

1. Why “Perfect Mom” Is a Mirage and a Joy Thief

It’s easy to feel like you’re failing when you measure your success against curated momfluencers who somehow has time to make themed snacks on a weekday. But you’re watching someone else’s highlight reel while living in your own behind-the-scenes chaos.

Comparison turns parenting into performance, not presence. And it robs you of real joy in the little wins that matter most. Comparison creeps in when we:

• Scroll through social media instead of trusting our instincts

• Judge ourselves based on other moms’ choices

• Assume their calm moments mean they have it all together

• Forget that different kids = different needs = different parenting

• Chase gold stars from adults instead of connection with our child

There is no universal “good mom” standard. There’s just the one that fits your home, your kids, and your mental health. External validation won’t raise your child. You will.

Related: The “Having It All” Myth Hurts Women

2. A “Good Mom” Is Always Becoming

No one tells you this upfront: you will not feel like a good mother every day. You will feel like you’re winging it more often than not.

But maternal confidence doesn’t come from reading parenting books or prepping Pinterest activities. It comes from time in the trenches. From knowing your child’s weird quirks. From learning what sets them off and what brings them back.

You grow into motherhood when you:

• Own your mistakes and actually learn from them

• Notice patterns, not just problems

• Stop trying to parent your imaginary ideal child

• Recalibrate based on who your child is becoming

• Forgive yourself for the messes—then clean up and keep going

You’re not the same parent you were a year ago. And next year? You’ll be better. Not because you found a hack or a routine, but because you stayed in the game and let growth do its thing.

3. Putting Yourself Last Hurts Everyone, Even You

Somewhere along the way, “good mom” became synonymous with martyr. As if the measure of love is how little sleep you get, how often you skip meals, or how willing you are to ignore your own needs.

But what good is a mother who’s running on fumes? Your kids need your presence, not your burnout. And frankly, putting yourself dead last doesn’t make you noble. It makes you disappear.

Signs you’re deep in the martyr trap:

• You say yes out of guilt instead of bandwidth

• You haven’t had a solo bathroom break in 3 days

• Your needs feel optional—but everyone else’s are urgent

• You’re exhausted, snappy, and resentful

• You can’t remember the last time you felt like yourself

Being a good mom means being a whole mom. And that includes your health, your joy, and your identity outside your kid. Stop confusing self-neglect with love.

Related: Balancing Motherhood and Personal Needs

4. External Validation Is a Trap: Gratitude from Within Wins

There’s no applause for the unseen parts of parenting, like calming your kid at 2am or diffusing a meltdown with the exact right snack. But if you’re parenting for recognition, you’ll always feel invisible.

External validation is flaky. Sometimes you’ll get praised. Sometimes you’ll get side-eyed at Target. What matters more is whether you’re showing up in a way you can respect.

How to shift from “How am I doing?” to “Who am I becoming?”

• Check in with your own values, not public opinion

• Journal your wins, even if no one else notices

• Create your own definition of success each season

• Give yourself grace when you grow quietly

• Practice gratitude for effort, not outcomes

Raising a child isn’t a spectator sport. And you don’t need an audience to know you’re crushing it in the ways that count.

5. Asking for Help Isn’t Weakness. It’s a Superpower

Somewhere between “I got this” and “I can’t anymore” is the part we don’t talk about enough: asking for help. Moms aren’t supposed to do this alone. And yet, we still hesitate, like it’s shameful to need backup.

But here’s what I’ve learned: the moms who ask for help aren’t failing. They’re thriving because they’re supported. Real strength looks like:

• Texting a friend to vent before you lose it

• Booking a sitter or playdate just to breathe

• Letting your partner take the lead without micromanaging

• Saying “no” when your bandwidth is full

• Admitting, “I need help,” without the guilt spiral

The village isn’t a bonus—it’s the baseline. And the sooner we normalize asking for help, the more we’ll all rise together.

You’re Still Becoming

Being a “good mom” is not a status you unlock with gold stars and themed cupcakes. It’s a daily becoming. It’s loving your kid through their worst moments and forgiving yourself in yours. It’s showing them what it means to evolve, struggle, try again, and ask for help.

So, if you’re still growing, learning, and loving as you go, then congratulations. You’re already the kind of good mom they’ll remember.

If this hit home, share it with another mom in the thick of it. We’re not meant to do this alone.