Why Moms Need Routines Too: The Mental Health Benefits
Children thrive on routines. That’s what every parenting book, every pediatrician, and every preschool director will tell you. But here’s something they don’t say enough: moms need routines too.
And I get it—I’m not a routine person. Routines feel like work or something else for me to fail at. I couldn’t stick to even a rhythm of activities before motherhood, and it often doesn’t feel like I have the time or energy to practice one with a toddler.
So how do you create a routine when you’re exhausted, overstimulated, and barely holding it together? That’s exactly what this story is about—what broke me, what’s helping now, and what might work for you too, even if you’re starting with nothing.
In this article:
The Three-Hour Loops Broke Me
The Best Parenting Decision & Worst Budgeting Strategy
Why It Matters for Moms’ Mental Health
Tips for Other Moms Who Need a Reset
This post was inspired by the prompt, “What’s a family tradition or routine that brings me happiness?” from the Burnout Recovery Journal for Moms, a downloadable resource designed to help you reconnect with yourself.
The Three-Hour Loops Broke Me
When I became a stay-at-home mom, my entire day was chopped into three-hour cycles of:
Change the diaper.
Feed the baby.
Rock him to sleep.
Repeat. Again. And again.
It wasn’t hard in the way people think of hard. It was mind-numbing. Isolating. Like Groundhog Day, but with spit-up and cluster feeds.
And when he got older—14 months, walking, climbing, flinging toys—I thought I’d have more time. But it never came. That’s when I started to unravel. I went from being a person with a career and autonomy to someone whose greatest ambition was drinking a hot cup of coffee before noon.
I wrote more about that transition in From Career to Caregiver: What No One Tells You About Becoming a Stay-at-Home Parent because no one prepares you for that loss of identity, especially when you’re supposed to feel grateful.
The Best Parenting Decision & Worst Budgeting Strategy
Eventually, I did something I swore I wouldn’t: I enrolled my son in daycare. It ruins our budget, and yes, I carry some guilt about it. But I’ve also never been surer that it was the right decision.
More on that here: I Never Thought I’d Choose Daycare as a SAHM.
Because, now, I have from 9am to 5pm on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to be a person again. I write (hello, blog), clean when it feels good, rest when it’s necessary, and sometimes do absolutely nothing productive at all. The point is, it’s my time.
The rest of the week still has its own little patterns that help too.
In the evenings, my husband takes our son out to garden. The kid comes in with dirt under his nails and in desperate need of a bath, but it’s a great timeout for mommy. It will be a devastating loss when the weather turns cold.
At night, we cue up the parenting sin of all sins: TV before bed. I know, I know—screens before sleep. But hear me out; Peppa hypnotizes him, and he’s still for 15 minutes. And then he passes out.
I call that a win. And yes, we read books. Every single day. But if you think books always wind kids down, you haven’t met mine. Reading books makes my kid more excited.
Why It Matters for Moms’ Mental Health
We talk a lot about how routines help kids feel secure—and they do. But moms need that same sense of predictability, especially when most things feel wildly out of our control.
Mothers, especially those in primary caregiving roles, experience high levels of sensory overload, emotional labor, and invisible work—all of which wear down our ability to cope, connect, and care for ourselves.
Research shows that daily routines are linked to:
Lower levels of stress and depression
Reduces decision fatigue
Provides a sense of control
Improves emotional regulation
Supports better sleep
Protects against burnout
When you’re constantly reacting to other people’s needs without recovery time, your mental health suffers. In fact, one study found that establishing routines was associated with improved mental and physical health outcomes in women juggling caregiving responsibilities.
Creating a routine that supports your mind can be a form of self-preservation. And the better supported you are, the better you can show up for your family, your relationships, and yourself.
Tips for Other Moms Who Need a Reset
Let me be the first to say: what I have isn’t available to everyone. I pay $15,000 a year for daycare. We make tradeoffs to afford it. And even then, it hurts. But for us, it was still cheaper than me ending up in a psych unit. And I’m only half-joking.
But creating a routine doesn’t have to cost money. Here’s how to start building a routine that actually supports you:
Pick a time and place each week—same day, same hour if you can. Make it easier for your village to show up by having a standing time where you’re gone.
Treat whatever time you carve out as meaningful. It doesn’t have to be productive to matter. A walk around the block can be sacred. It matters because you decide it does.
Expect resistance. From your kid, your partner, your own guilt. Doing something new that serves you might feel like a crime but it’s worth protecting.
Let it evolve. What works this season might not work next month. A routine isn’t rigid; it’s responsive. It grows with you. And some weeks, all it will look like is remembering that you are allowed to have needs.
Maybe it’s a casual book club with one other mom where you actually read or just pretend to while swapping stories about how tired you are. Maybe it’s just a standing night each week where you leave the house. And if your only window is after bedtime, claim it.
I didn’t set out to build a routine. I’m the person who avoids planners, skips sleep schedules, and can’t finish a 30-day challenge to save her life. But I found a something that keeps me from unraveling—and if I can, you absolutely can too.
