It’s Normal to Hate Being a Mom, But You Don’t Have to Be Miserable
Admit it or not, there are days when motherhood feels like a battle, both internally and externally. While our love for our kids is boundless, the nostalgia for our former independence is real. Motherhood changes friendships, self-confidence, and almost everything that makes us “us.”
If you’ve ever whispered "I hate being a mom" at the end of a long day, take a breath. You aren't a bad person. Motherhood is undeniably challenging and downright exhausting. And there are ways to cope
What you can learn:
Why some moms don’t enjoy motherhood
How to deal with sensory overload
How to stop feeling invisible as a mother and partner
How to talk to your partner about unequal parenting
Coping strategies for mom rage
Is It Normal to Hate Being a Mom?
Absolutely. This sentiment is more universal than you might think. Personally, I've been wrestling with the desire for life before my son while also trying to have a second kid. To say the least, being a mother is complicated.
Disliking motherhood has very little to do with our children. It’s about the:
Physical & Emotional Depletion: Parenting is 24/7 with no off switch. It’s especially hard if you feel like the default parent while your partner’s life remains relatively unchanged.
Related: 4 Ways to Stop Being the Default Parent
Identity Shift: Motherhood can feel like your identity was stripped away. Many moms are mourning their former selves who used to have interests, hobbies, and talked about other things besides their children.
Comparison Trap: Social media shows us parents who seem to have it all together, but it’s a highlight reel.
Career Interruption: Whether you are struggling to juggle a professional life or you’ve put your career on pause, there is a profound sense of loss. It’s hard to go from being a person whose "wins" are measured in promotions and projects to a person whose day to day is barely acknowledged.
Marriage Changes: When your partner feels more like a co-worker (and sometimes an unhelpful one), the resentment can make the role of mom feel even more suffocating.
Humans are capable of holding two conflicting truths at once. You can absolutely hate the workload, the noise, and the exhaustion of motherhood while still deeply wanting—and loving—your family. Complaining about the "momming" doesn't mean you regret the children; it means you’re honest enough to admit that the cost of admission is high.
1. How to Deal with Sensory Overload
When every noise feels like a physical blow and your skin feels foreign from being touched all day, you aren't being dramatic, you are overstimulated.
The Low-Dopamine Transition: When the kids are finally down or away, don't immediately jump on your phone. The blue light and scrolling add more sensory input. Sit in the dark or silence for ten minutes first to let your nervous system reset.
Loop Earplugs: Invest in high-quality earplugs that dampen the noise but still allow you to hear if someone is in danger. It lowers the volume of motherhood just enough to keep you from snapping.
2. Feeling Invisible as a Mother and Partner
It is a heavy irony that you can be indispensable and invisible at the same time. You are the one who knows where the shin guards are and when the milk expires, yet no one asks how your day was.
The Weekly State of the Union: Sit your partner down and move beyond logistics. Use "I" statements: "I feel like a service provider lately rather than a partner. I need us to spend twenty minutes tonight talking about something other than the kids or the house."
Stop Being the Backup: If you are always the one documenting the memories, you’ll never be in the photos. Hand the camera to your partner. Demand to be seen in the narrative of your family.
3. Resentment Toward Your Husband
Resentment grows in the gap between what you expected from a partner and what you’re actually getting. It’s often fueled by the "leisure gap"—seeing him sit down while you’re still working.
The Equal Rest Rule: Shift the conversation from "Equal Work" to "Equal Rest." It doesn't matter who worked more hours at the office; once you are both home, you both deserve the same amount of downtime. If he’s gaming for an hour, you get an hour of uninterrupted "off" time, too.
Kill the "Help" Language: Stop asking him to "help" you. It’s his house and his kids too. Reframe it as "shared responsibility" so the mental load doesn't stay 100% on your shoulders.
Related: Fighting Weaponized Incompetence With Strategic Incompetence
4. Breaking the Cycle of "Mom Rage"
Mom rage is usually unmet needs screaming for attention. It’s the result of pushing yourself too far for too long.
Identify the Flashpoint: Is it the "witching hour"? Is it when the kitchen is messy? Once you know your trigger, announce: "Mommy is feeling frustrated and needs a two-minute reset." Set a timer your kids can understand, step into another room, and take some deep breaths or splash cold water on your face.
Lower the Stakes: If the kids won't stop fighting over a toy, take the toy away. If the dinner prep is making you angry, order pizza. It is better to have delivery than a broken mom.
5. Find Yourself Again After Motherhood
Reframe motherhood as not taking your time, body, sleep, and hobbies away from you but as adding to your already multifaceted entity. And to prevent you from losing all of those glorious parts of yourself you had before becoming a mom, make sure you revisit them.
Step Away From Motherhood for a Bit: Saturday morning yoga class, a Thursday happy hour with the girls, or a pottery workshop are maintenance for your soul.
Surround Yourself With Other Moms: Ironically, being around other moms lets you not be a mom for a few minutes at a time. Finding a group of women who value you for your wit and your wisdom is how you bridge the gap between "Mom" and "Me."
Society calls it the "world's hardest job," but jobs offer pay and breaks. Since you’re doing this unpaid for love, it’s okay to not love the work every single day.
