The Peru Problem: Is Your Marriage Suffering From Lack of Romance… or Lack of Perspective?
Romance in 2026 feels like it’s gated behind a paywall. Something reserved for the couples who have the disposable income to buy luxury gifts and fund lavish vacations. And when you’re on the other end of the financial spectrum, it’s easy to feel like the mean girls are saying you married a f*cking loser.
On the eve of my three-year anniversary with everyone suggesting a date night, I’m wondering whether I’m settling for a low-budget love or if society’s expectations are the ones misaligned. Because shouldn’t we be celebrating our marriage in a way that strengthens it?
What you can learn:
What is happening to modern romance
How much date night costs nowadays
If the 2-2-2 rule is realistic for middle-class families
The difference between grand gestures and partnership
How to bring romance back into marriage
How to stop taking your partner for granted
What is the Peru Problem & How is It Ruining Relationships?
Scroll through my friend Kelly’s Instagram, and you’d think she won the matrimonial lottery. As fitness professionals, she and her husband are gorgeous, and that showcase a life of romantic dates and exotic trips.
But Kelly is the architect of every moment. She researches, books, and packs while her husband simply shows up and looks good for the photo. Like many other men, he’s a father failing to see the invisible load she carries so they have a beautiful life. And when she asks for initiative—for him to surprise her with a trip—he calls her expectations "unrealistic."
Then, a male friend took his fiancée to a Peruvian restaurant to surprise her with a trip he planned and executed. Suddenly, the fantasy was real, attainable, and happening in her own circle.
That’s the Peru Problem. No matter how lovely your love life is, you see someone with more and you want it:
The Baseline Shift: Witnessing a "norm" that exceeds your own makes your criterion feel like a deficit.
The Envy: A deep-seated longing for the specific mental energy, gift, or gesture you aren't receiving.
The Comparison Trap: Your partner’s smaller wins no longer measure up, and you begin obsessing over what’s missing.
This scales to every income. For some, it’s seeing a friend’s husband bring home a $5 bouquet, making your own partner’s lack of a "how was your day?" text feel like a slap in the face. It’s the feeling that your partner could step up, but chooses not to. Once you start looking for what’s missing, it becomes nearly impossible to see the love standing right in front of you.
Romance in a Recession When Date Night Costs $300
Once the sting of comparison fades, reality sets in: some of us aren't built for high-stakes surprises. My heart wouldn’t melt after my husband spent $5,000 on a spontaneous getaway. I’d be having a mental meltdown. If one partner’s romantic dream is the other’s nightmare, you probably need my Tips For Couples With Different Money Habits.
The Peru Problem isn’t the only danger to modern romance. We’re fighting an economy that makes romance something that many families simply can’t justify. People often stress the importance of date nights, but rarely mention the fact that:
Even a basic evening out can cost $100 just to grab a meal and a few drinks.
Toss in a movie and transportation, and that date nearly doubles.
And if you need a babysitter, you’re looking at an additional $20-25 per hour.
So, you’re looking at a $300 bill just to keep the spark alive. And so-called experts suggest the 2-2-2 rule (a date every 2 weeks, a weekend away every 2 months, and a vacation every 2 years). To literally put a price on love annually, even mid-range that’s:
$3,900 on date nights.
$6,900 on weekend getaways.
$4,000 on a domestic trip.
And none of that is covering childcare. No wonder romance is dying when it’s nearly $15,000 a year.
The Radical Romance of "Logistical Love"
We’ve been taught that romance is an escape from reality, but I’ve found that real love is someone making your reality easier to live in. My husband might never plan a surprise trip to Peru, but he prioritizes my daily life over grand gestures.
Our version of romance looks like:
Meals: I don’t cook. Before my husband, I lived on delivery and freezer food. So, my husband makes sure I’m fed by making dinner every night and leaving a health lunch in the fridge for the next day.
Comfort: He’s also my biggest advocate for self-care. He encourages me to buy what I want or need to keep my day-to-day comfortable, whether that’s a Costco-sized pack of coconut water or toy storage bags.
Financial Trust: Even though he is the breadwinner, he puts me in charge of our entire financial picture. This isn't passivity; it’s respect because he trusts my management of our future more than his own.
Hype: He may not post love letters on social media, but I’ve caught him bragging to friends and family about how smart and wonderful I am when he thinks I’m out of earshot.
When I see the fancy gifts and vacation photos, I think, "That looks nice." Then I look at my husband managing our toddler solo so I can rest and think, "But this is home."
Grand Gestures or Everyday Romantic Nothings
I’m only three years into this, so I haven't earned the right to give definitive advice. But I am posing the question: Are we looking past the love we have because it doesn't look like the love we were promised by Disney or Netflix?
Sustainability over Spontaneity: A partner who shows up every day is better than one who shows up big once a year.
The Absence of Resentment: Is "boring" actually just a synonym for "peaceful"?
Redefining the Spark: Maybe the spark isn't a firework; maybe it's the pilot light that stays on through the storm.
Perhaps the real romance of 2026 is simply being known. My husband isn’t perfect, but he doesn’t expect either of us to be. Out of all my relationships, he’s the only one I’ve felt the most like me, like I’m not putting on a performance.
But ask me again on our tenth anniversary. By then, maybe I’ll be ready for the trip—as long as he still does the dishes.
