The Morbid Talk Every Family Needs to Have (Before Life Forces You To)
My best friend didn’t ask me to be her son’s godmother. She asked me to be his financial advisor in the event that she and her husband die. Not to raise him, but to be the co-chair of his financial future, like a board member overseeing his little life enterprise.
It is heartbreakingly smart. Because money and care aren’t the same thing, and if you’ve ever watched a family implode after a funeral, you know love alone doesn’t keep things civil.
These conversations feel grim, but they’re necessary. You don’t have to be rich, old, or pessimistic to need a plan. You just need to love your family enough to not leave them fighting over what’s “fair” when you’re not there to explain it.
In this article:
Why You Need an Estate Plan Even If You Don’t Own a Yacht
Wills: Your Last Act of Parenting
Trusts: Skip the Courtroom, Keep the Control
Power of Attorney: When Someone Has to Step In
The Living Will: So Nobody Has to Guess
How to Actually Start (Without Spiraling)
Morbid but Necessary
Why You Need an Estate Plan Even If You Don’t Own a Yacht
Estate planning isn’t just for the wealthy. It provides families with clarity. It’s the difference between a grieving and a family unraveling.
Who gets the house.
Who raises your kids.
Who makes medical decisions if you can’t.
Because if you don’t decide, the state will. And the state doesn’t know your sister can’t manage her own checking account or that your mother-in-law will feed your children nothing but sweets.
Even if your assets are “just” a car, some savings, and a 529 plan, those are still decisions that deserve your input.
Related: Rich People Get Richer While We Work Ourselves to Death: How to Change It
Wills: Your Last Act of Parenting
A will is your parenting on paper. It says who should raise your kids if you can’t. Who gets your stuff. Who wraps up the paperwork when you’re gone.
Without one, your family gets stuck in probate court, spending money and months just to make decisions you could’ve written in an afternoon.
What to include:
Who inherits your property, money, and belongings
Who you trust to raise your kids (if applicable)
Who you trust to carry out your wishes (your executor)
It’s not fun. But neither is watching people you love crumble under confusion and paperwork while they’re trying to grieve.
Related: Why The First Time You Leave Your Child Feels So Big (and How to Make It Easier)
Trusts: Skip the Courtroom, Keep the Control
A trust is like a safe deposit box for your legacy. You put your assets (your house, savings, investments) inside it now and when the time comes, they transfer directly to your chosen people without going through probate court.
It keeps things private. It keeps them fast. And most importantly, it keeps them under your rules.
You can say, “My kid gets access to this money at 25, but only if they finish college or don’t blow it on a sports car.”
That’s power. That’s parenting from the beyond. Cue spooky music.
Here’s the quick version of what’s out there:
Revocable Living Trust – You stay in control, can change it anytime, and your assets transfer smoothly when you pass.
Irrevocable Trust – Locked in, but can protect your assets from creditors or taxes.
Testamentary Trust – Created through your will, activates after you’re gone.
Special Needs Trust – For dependents with disabilities, so benefits stay intact.
Charitable Trust – For those who want to leave a legacy that keeps giving.
You don’t need to know which one yet. Just know these exist so your family doesn’t have to learn the hard way.
Power of Attorney: When Someone Has to Step In
A Power of Attorney gives someone the legal right to act on your behalf if you’re incapacitated. There are two main types:
Financial POA – Handles money, bills, property, taxes.
Healthcare POA – Makes medical decisions if you can’t.
If you don’t have these, your loved ones might have to go to court just to make basic decisions while they’re already under emotional stress.
Choosing your POAs is not about who loves you most. It’s about who can stay calm in a crisis and handle paperwork like a boss.
Related: How to Combine Two Different Family Traditions Into One Life
The Living Will: So Nobody Has to Guess
A living will (or advance directive) lays out your medical wishes. Life support, resuscitation, feeding tubes… things no one wants to think about until it’s too late.
It’s not cold or morbid. It spares your family from fighting over what you might have wanted while a doctor waits for someone to decide.
Related: When and How to Talk to Your Kids About Money
How to Actually Start (Without Spiraling)
You don’t have to tackle it all in one day. Start small.
Write down who you’d trust for key roles (guardians, POAs, executor).
Have one brutally honest conversation with your partner or best friend about what you’d want.
Talk to an estate planning attorney, or use reputable online tools for basic documents.
Review your plan every few years, especially after big life changes (new baby, divorce, buying property).
And for the love of all things practical, tell someone where to find your documents. A secret will is about as useful as a secret fire escape.
Morbid but Necessary
I understood immediately why my best friend picked the family she did to raise her son. They live like her:
Same community
Same lifestyle
Same rhythms
They move in the same circles. It made sense.
I live in a different state. Her in-laws do too. If her son ended up with either of us, he’d lose his home, his friends, and the only world he’s ever known. She wants him rooted, not relocated.
But she also knows that even good people can end up in bad situations. The family she chose could face a job loss, a medical emergency, or their own financial crisis. She doesn’t want her son’s future tied to someone else’s survival. She wants oversight. A system. Checks and balances for the people she trusts most.
That’s where I come in. Not to question anyone’s integrity, but to make sure her son’s inheritance isn’t treated like a “just in case” family fund. I’m there to protect what’s his, and make sure her wishes don’t get watered down by circumstance or convenience.
And if more of us had these kinds of conversations before life forces them on us, maybe fewer families would fall apart trying to do the right thing without a roadmap.
